Friday, November 30, 2007

Mets trade Milledge to Nats for crap

I'm pretty sure this is how this went down:

Jim Bowden: So, uh, Omar. You looking to trade Lastings Milledge? You know toolsy outfielders with big upside turn me on more than a prospective threesome with Jessica Biel and Scarlett Johnanson.

Omar Minaya: Well, we do need a catcher and maybe an outfielder to take Lastings' place ...

Bowden: You mean like Brian Schneider and Ryan Church?

Minaya: Done and done.

Bowden: Holy f$%#&%$* s#!t are you kidding me? I was just... places his hand over the receiver, yells to Assistant GM Mike Rizzo Hey Mike, you were wrong! I'm not the dumbest GM in baseball, Omar's going to send us Milledge for Schneider and Church! takes hand off of receiver. You know what Omar?

Minaya: Dude, I could totally hear you talking to Mike Rizzo. Is that what you really think of me?

Bowden: If I say yes, is the trade off?

Minaya: Maybe.

Bowden: Well then, no. I think you're a genius. Ryan Church is solidly average and that will be a big deal, especially when Moises Alou breaks his hip or gets the shingles and your outfield is Endy Chavez, Ryan Church, and a borderline suicidal Carlos Beltran. Wait, I meant, " when Moises Alou is totally awesome next year and not old at all."

Minaya: So we have a deal?

Bowden: across the room, not even bothering to cover the receiver this time. Mike! Come slap me! I want to make sure I'm not dreaming! What's that Omar? Oh yeah, we have a deal. hangs up.

Omar Minaya's phone rings again immediately.

Minaya: Hello?

Neal Huntington: Hi, Omar, it's Neal, the new GM of the Pirates. Just curious if you're willing to part with Lastings Milledge. I hear you need a catcher and Ronny Paulino sure is a gamer ...

Minaya: Sorry, Neal, I just sent Milledge to Washington for Ryan Church and Brian Schneider.

Huntington: Really?

Minaya: Yes, really! Why do people keep asking that.

Huntington: F%$#. hangs up.