It's not you it's ... wait, it's totally you

Dear Ian,

I used to think you were awesome because you took every single bad thing that ever happened to you personally. You never made excuses when you sucked, but you didn't really suck very often because you were driven by every single perceived slight to prove people wrong. Then I opened up today's paper and read this:

"They're not the best team in baseball for no reason. They adjust to you. I was throwing some good pitches, but they weren't swinging. But there's no excuse for giving away a three-run lead."

I think I'm going to cry. I'm done sticking up for you, I'm done making excuses for you, I'm done making fun of you, I'm just done. When you get home, your stuff will be in a bag on the stoop. Get out. If you ever get yourself back together, call me. If not, have a nice life attempting to approximate Kip Wells' career arc.

-Pat