Here's how it would happen: April 2008
Quick debriefing: I'm honestly kind of bored by the way I kicked off my last season preview, what with the mostly already answered questions and the like. I'll still hit the big questions before the season starts, but I really feel like doing something different. I honestly think the Pirates have no chance to contend or even finish .500 this year, but the truth is that there must be some sequence of events, no matter how improbable, that can take place that would bring home an NL Central pennant for the Bucs in 2008. It's probably just because I've watched too much LOST lately, but I'm going to write a series of flash-forwards dealing with the one alternate dimension in a million in which the Pirates win the NL Central in 2008. Someone hit the gas on the infinite improbability drive ...
March 31st- The Pirates take the field in Atlanta with this lineup:
WHYGAVS says: Even if this team is doomed to lose 95 games, it's hard not to be excited by winning the opener.
April 7th- Snell throws a shutout at the Cubs' in the home opener with 10 Ks. Number ten is a looking Aramis Ramirez, who goes down with a runner on second while representing the tying run in the Bucs' 2-0 win. The Pirates improve to 4-3 on the year.
WHYGAVS: It figures that the first year that I move out of the 'Burgh, the Pirates finally win a home opener (they've won exactly one in all the years that I've attended) with a Snell shutout and Aramis Ramirez making an ass out of himself in the process.
April 16th- Zach Duke gets his first win of the year by pitching six innings against the Dodgers and somehow only giving up 3 runs on 12 hits. Bucs move to 9-6.
WHYGAVS: This game right here perfectly illustrates why "wins" is a flawed stat. Duke was putrid tonight, getting rocked all over the park, but he got bailed out by some nice defense and the Bucs' bats putting a 9 spot up for him. I'm not convinced he's ever going to find his groove again.
April 24th- The Bucs close out a three-game home sweep over the Cardinals as Jason Bay and Adam LaRoche launch back-to-back homers twice, giving them 9 and 7 April homers, respectively. Snell picks up his 3rd win and the Pirates improve to 13-8
WHYGAVS: You know, this hot start may be an illusion but there's still nothing better than kicking Tony La Russa's ass.
April 30th- Oliver Perez dominates the Pirates' with a 2-hit, 15 strikeout masterpiece as the Mets beat the Pirates 10-0, sending the Bucs to their sixth straight loss and closing April at 13-14.
WHYGAVS: I think we can officially say that the wheels are off this wagon. The Pirates have managed to score 8 runs in their past six games and clearly don't belong in the same ballpark as the Phillies or the Mets, two of the best teams in the National League. Watching Oliver Perez strike Xavier Nady out three times today while Steven Pearce hit two bombs in Indianapolis made a small piece of my soul die. Say it with me people: Same. Old. Pirates.
March 31st- The Pirates take the field in Atlanta with this lineup:
- McLouth, CF
- Sanchez, 2B
- Bay, LF
- LaRoche, 1B
- Nady, RF
- Doumit, C
- Bautista, 3B
- Wilson, SS
- Gorzelanny, SP
WHYGAVS says: Even if this team is doomed to lose 95 games, it's hard not to be excited by winning the opener.
April 7th- Snell throws a shutout at the Cubs' in the home opener with 10 Ks. Number ten is a looking Aramis Ramirez, who goes down with a runner on second while representing the tying run in the Bucs' 2-0 win. The Pirates improve to 4-3 on the year.
WHYGAVS: It figures that the first year that I move out of the 'Burgh, the Pirates finally win a home opener (they've won exactly one in all the years that I've attended) with a Snell shutout and Aramis Ramirez making an ass out of himself in the process.
April 16th- Zach Duke gets his first win of the year by pitching six innings against the Dodgers and somehow only giving up 3 runs on 12 hits. Bucs move to 9-6.
WHYGAVS: This game right here perfectly illustrates why "wins" is a flawed stat. Duke was putrid tonight, getting rocked all over the park, but he got bailed out by some nice defense and the Bucs' bats putting a 9 spot up for him. I'm not convinced he's ever going to find his groove again.
April 24th- The Bucs close out a three-game home sweep over the Cardinals as Jason Bay and Adam LaRoche launch back-to-back homers twice, giving them 9 and 7 April homers, respectively. Snell picks up his 3rd win and the Pirates improve to 13-8
WHYGAVS: You know, this hot start may be an illusion but there's still nothing better than kicking Tony La Russa's ass.
April 30th- Oliver Perez dominates the Pirates' with a 2-hit, 15 strikeout masterpiece as the Mets beat the Pirates 10-0, sending the Bucs to their sixth straight loss and closing April at 13-14.
WHYGAVS: I think we can officially say that the wheels are off this wagon. The Pirates have managed to score 8 runs in their past six games and clearly don't belong in the same ballpark as the Phillies or the Mets, two of the best teams in the National League. Watching Oliver Perez strike Xavier Nady out three times today while Steven Pearce hit two bombs in Indianapolis made a small piece of my soul die. Say it with me people: Same. Old. Pirates.