Astros 3 Pirates 1

As with the preview earlier today, apk also has tonight's recap:

Wow. What a weird game. Maholm had one of the best 4BB outings I've ever seen, the Pirates got Jeffry Maier'ed by a man with no glove, and Jose Castillo awoke just long enough from his Midsummer's Night Dream to try to hit the first 3 run solo HR in the history of baseball. Anyway, long story short: Maholm walked the entire Houston team in the first inning, but only gave up one run, which scored when X failed to dig a routine DP ball (I'll note that this was the first DP attempt in about six weeks that Joe Castle didn't try to bail out on during the turn). After floundering his way through the first, Paulie Maholnuts settled into one heck of a groove. Seriously, he was painting the corners with his curveball and had the 'Stros flailing at his change all day. The curve he threw to punch out Berkman in the bottom of the sixth was particularly nasty.

Despite the great stuff, Maholm was plagued by some bad luck, which led to the loss. Sure, he didn't help his cause any with the walks (two of which accounted for runners that would later score), but the only hard-hit ball against him all night was Everett's RBI double, and I blame that on Paulino, who inexplicably called for a flat, inside fastball with an 0-2 count. Just dumb, dumb baseball there, especially when one considers that Everett had just flailed at a change in the dirt. But I digress (alot). Anyway, Maholm only gave up 5 hits, two of which were of the infield variety, and another that should've been called for fan interference (the Biggio HR). It was nice to see him settle in and dominate. Stop me if I'm wrong, but wasn't it a young Tom Glavine that used to suck in the first inning, then routinely dominate?

It was all for naught, though, for Brandon Backe = Steve Nebraska. The Bucs' had their chances, sure, but they kept on tanking them. The humiliation ended with 3 straight Ks to end the game and inflate Brad Lidge's ego. Castle was especially hilarious, as he took 3 straight Ruthian swings (though down 2 runs) to lead off the top of the 9th, before returning to his hammock.

I could say plenty more about this game, but I've already written way too much (verbosity is my friend), and really, it was a 3-1 game that is basically meaningless. Instead, I'll leave you with some Smizikesque quick hits:

-Thanks for arguing the Maier-ball guys. Jason, I can accept that maybe you couldn't tell what happened. However, I'm sorry Mr. Tracy, but at 42-74, you really should be looking for ANY excuse to get ejected from a game so you can go home early.

-I'd like to think that Jack's keeping the "J" on his back as a silent protest for Thor's trade. I realize, however, that the Nuttings are probably just too cheap to spring for a new placard. In any event, it donned on me that if Jack were a rapper, he'd be "Superfulous J" (editor's note: I noticed that he kept the "J" after the trade because Craig mentioned Jack would love the trade because he could shave the J off the uni, so of course I looked for it, because those are the things I do... bottom line: I love "Superfluous J," someone else is gonna have to get a nickname without Thor around).

-I'm glad to see that X fits right in with the Pirates. Not only did he pop-up on the first pitch with Gold on the Corners and NOoooooooooooobody out, but he also matched Bayrod's anit-clutch efforts in the 8th with a Close and Late RISP K. That took extra effort, especially considering Burnitz had the audacity to walk after Bayrod (editor's note: When I get back I have some stats I want to look up on the "Bayrod" issue. I promise I'm not ignoring this, and I will freely admit that Bay has made defending him difficult on this front.) failed again.

-Freddy picked up 2 hits and raised his average back above the Fredoza Line to a robust .341.

-All those slick Duffy linedrive outs have already devolved into Duffy can-of-corn outs. I still love him though. And he DID walk today.

-No Trenni sightings, and a Brown/Whener announce tandem, to boot. These are the things I go through out of the respect I have for Pat. Alright well, y'all have been a great audience. Thank you, rory, for the kind words. Don't forget to tip your waitress and try the veal. And remember, stay classy, Picksburgh (editor's note: apk will read anything you put on the teleprompter. And I mean an-y-thin-g).