Midseason Awards: Hitters

I hate doing the whole "ABC" or "1-10" grading scale. I hate it. That usually means that I have to stretch the creativity 'round this time of year when people expect to see some midseason grading up. Personally, the most brilliant form of grading I've seen in some time was done by Page 2's World Cup Blogger, Michael Davies. He graded each of England's players after matches on a scale of "No Pants at all" (the best) to "Complete, utter Pants" (the worst). Instead, since it was so much fun with the pitchers last year, I will create utterly random and meaningless awards and hand them out.

The "Team MVP, biggest surprise, absolutely no pants WHATSOEVER, with a special side prize for making Dave Littlefield eat a giant shitburger" Award
This one can only go to Freddy Sanchez. We all knew he was a better man for the job at third base than anyone DL tried to sign, but no one saw .358/.396/.520 coming. He has been the lone pleasent surprise in the first half of this season and he didn't even have a starting job until mid-May. If that doesn't summarize the DL era, I don't know what does.

The "Pretty good, but still too streaky and unable to make anyone believe me when I say that his "non-clutchness" doesn't exist" Award
I think we all know who this one goes to. In 32 games between May 4th and June 10th (the Baseball Musings Day by Day Database is an amazing tool) Jason Bay went .310/.386/.705 with 15 homers and 29 RBIs. That's pretty damn fantastic. He's been rather pedestrian the rest of the season, but he's still rolling into the ASB with a .927 OPS and he's on pace for 38 homers and 119 RBIs. It's only going to take one hot streak like he had in May to rekindle everyone's confidence in him... I think.

The "Regression to the mean" Award
We've got our first Wilson sighting here as Jack Wilson makes an appearence. Jack started the season off well, finishing April at .326/.384/.562. Since then his numbers have plummetted to .257/.293/.368. Jack's career numbers? .263/.303/.368. The worst part about it is that all of his added bulk seems to have diminished his range in the field. That contract extension is looking brilliant right now.

The "The toilet is clogged because it is impossible to flush $17 million down it without reprecussions" Award
The first shared award of the 2006 mid-season goes to Sean Casey, Joe Randa, and Jeromy Burnitz. They've each contributed a little, Randa got hurt to allow Sanchez in the lineup, Casey invented a new baseball injury and let Craig Wilson play for a few weeks, and Burnitz has provided lots of humor for all. Actually, Randa and Burnitz haven't been THAT awful of late, and Casey has been what we probably should've expected. The problem is, that's not worth anywhere near $17 million.

The "If Kip Wells were dead and reincarnated as a position player, it might be you" Award
This one goes to the most talented but maddening Pirate position player, Jose Castillo. Right around the time Bay stopped being hot, Castillo tore the cover off the ball. Unfortunately he's been maddeningly inconsistent besides that week. He's mostly lazy or lethargic in the field and he generally swings for the fences and nothing else. He's got a metric shit-ton of talent, but he hardly ever uses any of it and it drives me INSANE.

The Bob Slydell Memorial "What would you say you do here?" Award
This one is another easy one, Humberto Cota and Mike Edwards. Cota is used rather sparingly for a backup catcher and doesn't do much when he does get to play. Sometimes it feels like weeks go by at a time without me remembering he's still on the team. And Edwards, well, weeks do go by without him actually on the team.

The Abraham Nunez Memorial "The manager has a strange fetish for putting me in the game and no one knows why" Award
Finally, Jose K gets his award. Somehow he's garnered 75 ABs in Tracy's lineups this year despite needing a recent hot streak to get him to his All-Star break marks of .240/.296/.360. Of course, that's actually only slightly worse than Jack Wilson. It's been a long first half.

The "Not bad for a rookie, but not entirely good either" Award
Ronnie Paulino's .308 batting average is impressive for a rookie, but it's a pretty empty .308 with only 14 of his 70 hits going for extra bases. He's shown a very good arm behind the plate, but he blocks balls like a 10 year old without a cup on. Still, we don't really have any other options behind the plate at this point, so we may as well let the kid learn on the job. Jose Bautista also gets a piece of this award, though technically not a rookie because of his Rule V year. He started hot, slumped very badly, and got hot again. He's been better than I expected (I mentally pegged him as a utility guy before the year started, now I think he may be more than that) and he's played a very good defensive centerfield, which is good in light of the implosion of Duffy and McLouth this year. He's gotta stay in the lineup every day in the second half.

The "What are your hamstrings made out of? Are they glass?" Award
I had hoped that this year would be Ryan Doumit's breakout year. Instead, the team turned him into Craig Wilson part deux before the season started, splitting his time with Humberto Cota and then Ronnie Paulino for mostly imaginary reasons. They then stuck Doumit and his sore hammy behind the plate three out of four nights and watched it get torn. He'll now have to spend all of the rest of this season and maybe early next year learning a new position. Stop me if this sounds familiar.

The "So... the whole bobble-head thing was a bit presumptious" Award
Chris Duffy, who disappointed no one that expected him to be the next Tike Redman, then went AWOL after being demoted to Indy with what sounds like all the signs of clinical depression (though I doubt we'll ever know the full story). He's back in Indy now and hopefully he can straighten things out.

The "I've seen your future and it looks terrifyingly like John Cangelosi" Award
Maybe John Cangelosi is a bit harsh, but I don't ever really see Nate McLouth being much more than a 4th or 5th outfielder. He's not fast enough or good enough with a glove to play center, he doesn't seem to have enough power to play a corner, and he walks at a rate that can only be described as "Randall Simon-esque." Like Duffy, I hope he straightens things out. Like Duffy, I'm not sure he will.

The "Living proof that the Pirates hate baseball ability, fun, and puppies" Award, brought to you by Pepsi
Another year, another position battle, another .800+ OPS for Craig Wilson. For a guy often derided by the organization as "streaky," his career numbers are very consisent. He also actually plays a decent first base and right field. I can't think of any baseball team that couldn't use a guy like Craig Wilson, and yet we seem to want nothing to do with the guy. I like Thor a lot, and judging by how the nickname Thor has proliferated across the Pirate corner of the internet, I think a lot of people like the guy (basic rule of life: a baseball player doesn't get a cool nickname like "Thor" to stick for any amount of time if people don't like him). Sadly, I doubt Thor will show up in my end of the year review, as his time in the Black and Gold is almost up. I can only imagine what the trade talks involving Craig Wilson between DL and someone with a brain must be like. I imagine that thus far they've gone like this.

DL: So, I see you need some first base/corner outfield help. Craig Wilson is a guy who will give you at least an average bat at those positions and can get hot enough to carry a team for weeks at a time. I would like Anthony Reyes (or other top prospect) for him, and I really think he's worth it. Craig can help you out a lot down the stretch.
GM with a Brain:Anthony Reyes (or other top prospect) is a m***erf***ing stud. Craig Wilson strikes out a lot, plays bad defense, and is streaky and unreliable. He also drinks lots of Pepsi, which apparently has made him hyperglycemic or something, because I can't imagine why this would be a problem otherwise. These are your words, Dave. Not my own. Would you like (insert name of Ty Wigginton-level player), instead?
DL: &^@#